when i have so much to say

now and then i try to find a place in my mind

where you can stay

you can stay awake forever

how do i live without the ones i love?

time still turn the pages of the book it's burned

place and time always on my mind

i have so much to say but you're so far away

sleep tight i'm not afraid

the ones that we love are here with me

lay away a place for me

cause as soon as i'm done i'll be on my way to live eternally

how do i live without the ones i love

time still turns the pages of the book it's burned

place and time always on my mind

and the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay

when i have so much to say and you're so far away

avenged sevenfold - so far away

been listening to this song back and forth tonight. what a beautiful lyrics, right? it express my feeling tonight, the feels of losing my special one, my other soul, my guardian, my everything.

some people said that you'll never know the feeling of losing someone until you lost someone special in your life. it's true. absolute true. it's been a year since i lost him and none of the second in my life i stop thinking about him. many people said that as time goes by the pain will also fade away. it's not true. totally untrue. in fact, as time goes by, the feelings grow bigger and bigger. you know the feelings of waiting someone to coming back but he's not coming? when you counting days, looking at the calendars, and imagining what will happen if he's still here? the time when i reached something amazing in my life and ready to share it with him, but i can't. the time when you feel like you stuck in life and needs someone to give you the wisdom words that can make you get up and live this life again. i'm still waiting, waiting for me to meet him again, to hug him again, to  be kissed in my forehead again, to be spoiled again. even though the pain is still here but i know he sees me, he sees my family, the only thing different is our sight now, he sees me from the above, not from the equal sight as before.

we can't avoid separation, in life, either we like it or not, it will always happen. what we can do is prepares our self, be tough, be strong, and be ready to face it. 

one thing i gets in mind by losing my special one is that Allah and him loves me and my family so much to feel this because when he left us, he knows we strong enough to handle this and that way i know that he believe in us and that believe is the believe that will lead us to continue this temporary life when he live eternally up there.